Saturday, November 08, 2008

Nanowrimo Novel:So, What's this glowing crystal do? Part Deux

"So, what happens to me now?" asked Michael. Eldric began to pace again and now began muttering to himself. Michael tried asking again but it seemed that Eldric was too involved in whatever he was doing. Michael got up and immediately felt the pain in his crotch where the effects of falling to the floor erection first were still causing him some pain. He started walking hoping that would dim the effects but it still hurt.

It was during his walking and groaning that Michael saw something near one of the chambers walls. At first it looked like a regular lamp but as Michael approached it he began to see that it was in fact a glowing crystal. He got closer and thought about touching the crystal. "So, what's this glowing crystal do?" asked Michael, half hoping that the wizard wouldn't even hear him. But Eldric did hear him amidst his mutterings and quickly shouted "Don't touch that crystal." So, Michael didn't touch the crystal, he wasn't a complete idiot after all.

Eldric the Elongated walked swiftly over to Michael and the crystal and smacked the backside of Michael's head. "I told you not to touch that" Eldric exclaimed. "But, I didn't touch it" said Michael, rubbing his head. "Oh, you didn't, well then, my apology. I'm just very used to people touching things without asking." "So, what's that crystal do?" Eldric waved his hand and the crystal stopped glowing. He waved his hand again and the crystal began to glow again. "It's one of my reading lights, far better than candles but very expensive. Nearly every person I ever transport to this world ends up touching a reading crystal and destroying it." Eldric turned around and started walking away and Michael figured the wizard wanted him to follow. Eldric kept on talking "I was just having a conversation with another wizard I know, Garthur the Medium ranked wizard of neutral standing. He has agreed to transport you back to your world."

The two of them kept walking into a hallway that Michael hadn't noticed before. "How do we get there?" asked Michael. "We, don't get there, YOU get there" replied the wizard, as if this mistaken transport were Michael's doing. "It shall take me at least 3 months to perform another transport and I cannot delay much longer. The times are dire and the days are dark for my world unless I can summon the chosen one who is Roger Weatherby and NOT you." Michael stopped walking and turned to the wizard. "Hey dipshit, YOU'RE the one who messed up not me. You said you're a high wizard and you couldn't even get the right person, I mean you didn't even get someone from the same continent. If anything you should be getting me back and giving me one of the crystals that I didn't break to take home with me as payment for me falling on my dick."

Eldric was visibly shocked at someone standing up to him and was almost prepared to turn Michael into a four assed dog. Then Eldric realized that the boy was right. "Very well, I'll give you something for your troubles, but I still can't take you to Garthur, he lives 100 miles away from here and it will likely take at least 4 days for you to get there by foot." This did not appeal to Michael.

You see, Michael was not exactly the most fit person in the world. He was actually rather fat, and lazy. The appeal of walking 100 miles over 4 days left Michael with some stressful pains in his chest and stomach, either that or it was heartburn, on account of Michael being so fat. It appeared that Eldric had finally come to that realization as well and he paused once more to ponder. "I know, I can send for the farmer who is not far from here, he has several horses and a cart. He will be able to take you to Garthur rather quickly. I shall send him a message immediately. " They continued their walk down the hallway until the came to a room that looked very similar to an average living room, some chairs and a couch, wall decorations and a television. This puzzled Michael. "You may sit down while I go write up a message" said Eldric.

So Michael picked the couch and found a remote control. He had always thought of these fairy worlds as places where everyone and everything seemed to be like the middle ages but with magic. When he pressed the on button it wasn't what he expected. Michael figured that this would turn on some magical device that only looked like a plasma television. But instead the screen blinked for a second and then began showing a hockey game in high definition. While he was puzzled about this he forgot about it when he saw the Vancouver Canucks whistle past the defense of the Anaheim Ducks to score a goal. Michael's favorite team were the Ottawa Senators but when watching hockey, Michael always took a any-canadian-team-will do attitude when choosing who to cheer for.

30 minutes later the wizard Eldric finally returned and stood in front of the television, blocking an amazing shoot out goal that won the game for the Canucks. "Aww, come on Eldy, move your butt out of the way." Michael sighed and clicked the tv off. The old man looked down upon his chubby transported man-boy. "The message has been sent, the farmer shall arrive in an hour or two to pick you up and take you away. Feel free to watch the television." Michael remembered he wanted to ask the wizard about something. "The tv, how's it working? You said we were in another world and that you transported me here. So how do you get The Sports Network in a fairy world?" Eldric beemed at the chance to give an answer. "It's really quite simple, it's magic." "Oh Christ, that's the best answer you could come up with?" "Actually no, but I always wanted to say something like that to one of the people I transport. I usually wait for them to mention something to set me up for it but they never seem to. The tv is hooked to a cable, digital of course, and it gives me all the channels." Michael bunched up his eyes. "So, you get cable in this world?"
"But you just said"
"It's just regular coax cable connected to a cable outlet" said Eldric, now beeming in even greater delight.
"Listen, I know wizards are supposed to be eccentric, which really means that they like to be assholes to regular people but could you for just one second wipe that grin off your face and tell me."

"Very well" replied Eldric as he went to sit down in one of the chairs.
"The cable is magic, it is connected to a wall outlet in Ohio I believe. Part of the cable resides there in Ohio and part of it resides behind that television. I found out quite by accident one year that cable is a tricky thing to transport, not all of it is fully transported during my summonings. And I could bore you with more details but suffice to say I used this knowledge to my advantage, got one of my subjects in your world to hold onto a plasma tv on a certain date and transported him and the tv here along with half the cable." The wizard took a deep breath. "Satisfied?"
"I guess, do you get HBO?"
"Of course, I get every channel, it was part of the platinum package."
Michael thought of continuing this line of questioning but decided against it while the wizard turned on the tv again(but Michael had thought he had the remote in his hand but now saw it in Eldric's old hand) and put on Dancing with the Stars. Michael hoped the farmer would be early.

Halfway during the third team's mambo, Eldric fell asleep and began to snore. At least Michael thought it was snoring, there were puffs of smoke coming out of the wizard's nose and Michael just noticed that the beard of the wizard had a small area around the nose that looked rather singed. Now that he thought of it, Michael remembered a story about an Eldric who was a dragon and wondered if the two were related somehow even though the dragon was fictional.
When Dancing with the Stars was over(Michael didn't want to change the channel on the wizard) the local news came on, at least local for some area in Ohio. 25 minutes of murder and economy news and 1 minute of a fluffy kitten that was raising dogs later and Eldric awoke. There was still some time to kill before the farmer arrived so Michael went back to asking questions.

"Why is your name Eldric the Elongated, I mean I get the Eldric part, but what's the Elongated stand for?"
Eldric winked. "It refers to the size of my wand" he said with a wink.
"You're talking about your penis aren't you?"
"Of course I am, wizards don't actually need wands. Yes my name was given to me during my studies by many a fair maiden, and that one young squire who had long hair, but how was I to know, it's not like they can speak when they are under a spell?"
"You had the put them under a spell? I thought you had a big dick, that should have had the ladies voluteering to jump your old bones."
Eldric sighed, "Just shut up and be quiet will you." Michael chuckled and whispered "nubby" to himself.

At this point Eldric stood up. "The farmer shall be here soon, I shall say goodbye now and I suppose, good luck." Eldric the Elongated, high wizard with a small penis then left the room back to the hall where Michael originally appeared. With the wizard gone, hopefully for good thought Michael, Michael checked his crotch for signs of any lasting damage. After he moved his gut out of the way, Michael could confirm that he was still in tact down there and that he could indeed perform any sexual favor if the need arose.

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